Asking friends to help with the wedding

Once a Bride announces her betrothal, her friends and family will be so excited and offer all kinds of help…While this is lovely, and will be needed and appreciated, this blog is to caution brides not to lean on one or a few people too hard.

This is so tempting to do when the friend or relative is in an industry whose expertise you will need, ie. they are a florist, dressmaker, chef, event decorator, hair and makeup artist, etc. There are several reasons for this advice,

ALL THESE TASKS REQUIRE A LOT OF EFFORT AND A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF MONEY TO DO BEAUTIFULLY

If the bride is trying to save money, which is why they are probably tempted to ask her friend(s) to help out in the first place, someone will still have to foot the bill. It gets a bit awkward for the friend to tell you exactly how much money they are spending sometimes, not knowing if they are expected to do the task as a wedding gift or just as a friend (do they still need to buy a wedding gift?). How much is the bride expecting it to cost? Is the bride thinking they would pay that cost? What if it is significantly more money? The bride may not be expecting such a high amount.

It is unlikely they can complete this task by themselves and if they have a business they will need to call in staff to help out (wages = more money)

Unless handled very carefully there are so many places here that the person asked to help out can feel taken advantage of and thus strain (or worst, destroy) a friendship.

THE BRIDE WILL HAVE A LOT LESS LEVERAGE ON THE FINAL PRODUCT IF SHE HASN’T PAID FOR THE SERVICE

When you pay for a service you can easily say you prefer this, you want to change that, you want to add in extra something, however if you have not paid, how much control do you really have about the issues that may occur?

Finally, remember that everyone has their own lives, with unique circumstances; some people will have more time to help you out, others will not be able to help out as much due to busy lives or other commitments. Any help you get is a gift and remember to treat it as such. Don’t punish those who just can’t help out too much.

This is one day of your life, albeit a very special day, but you still have a life time ahead where you will need the relationships you have built around you to thrive.